Right, I am not sure how much of a motivational and happy post this will be but I will try not to make it sound too desperate, I promise!
If you are in your early-to-mid 20s you are most likely to guess what I will be writing about. I am twenty three years old, TWENTY BLOODY THREE! How did this happen? When did I move out of my parents’ home? When did I finish school? And how the heck did I get my university degree? And more importantly why?
Why did I have to grow up?
Why did no one ever said time flies so quickly?
And how on earth am I supposed to be a grown up and take control of my own life?
I appreciate that Coldplay thaught me in my depressing teenage years that “nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be so hard”, but boy this is an understatement.
Twenty three years old, in a serious relationship for the past two and half years, living in a smart new flat, prospective office job, sensible salary that even allowed me to get a pet, and yet, something does not feel quite right.. I have done everything I was supposed and expected to do, but somehow it is not enough…
I have good days and bad days. In the good days, which unfortunately are less, I feel so blessed to have everything I have and to have gone this far- my biggest accomplishment is leaving home, moving to a different country and building my life on my own. This is also my biggest emotional luggage because I miss my parents every second of every minute and every minute of every day, weird I know.
On the bad days, I hate my job, I hate my desk and all the files that cover it, I hate having only an hour for my lunch break, I hate talking and walking like a grown up, wearing boring formal clothes and shiny shoes, I hate my smart flat and I hate cooking proper food, I hate washing the dishes afterwards even more. I hate doing the washing and the cheery sound of my washing machine, I hate food shopping and seeing my hard-earned money flying away with my rent payments. I hate what I have become and I hate being able to predict what the future holds.
I had plans, big plans about my life. I always loved writing and photography and reading and thought I would never stop doing what I love. In reality, I never did what I loved. My job is a good job, not too stressful and I am not constantly stuck behind a desk but it is not my job. I fell in a routine where every day is a mirror of the day before and I often feel like suffocating in my own little world that I have built by all the things expected from me.
But a time has come for me to change this around and find my previous self again, to start dreaming and chasing my dreams.
This will be a journey, a slow one because I am not brave enough to change it all at once but I will do it for me, I owe it to myself. Maybe you can be my companions and if you are at a crossroad and feel the same way, we can hold eachother’s hands?